Friday, 17 June 2011

The worst of times and the best of times.

Although I've tried to be upbeat and cheery in my blog, I think it is only fair on others fighting the same fight as me, to acknowledge that there are bad times. For me, my worst times have been when the chemo has made me feel really poorly. Sickness and nausea are very debilitating. When it occurs at night, the hours drag by, and I can say I've never felt so lonely as during those times.
Another low spot was when I wanted to do my share of chores, and I tried to make the evening meal. I managed to get the meat out of the fridge and into the oven, I managed to peel potatoes and carrots. However when I tried to cut up an onion and the other vegetables for the dish of roast veggies I planned, I could not press hard enough (or safely) with the knife. I was too weak from the chemo to do a simple household task. I wept buckets, it was so disheartening. I do now have a more realistic view of what I can do and when.
This week, I have had one of the best of times. A very large, very old tree in a park near my house was being felled. The 'elephant tree' was between 150 and 200 years old and as an easily climbed tree was very popular and was part of many happy memories. I went to watch along with quite a few others. I sat next to a blonde lady and we started chatting. She used to live in my close, but had moved away. With no hair, it is obvious that I am not 100%, and she asked what cancer I had. I told her, and she said she had lost her Mum to the same thing 18 months previously. We chatted, had a cup of tea, chatted some more, and quickly became friends. We found that there were all sorts of coincidental or synchronous things in our lives from names to dates of birth. Last night, we found out via social media, that one of my chemo sisters was my new friend's Mum's best friend! It is a small, small world.
My disease is awful, the chemo is awful, but I have found wonderful, wonderful new friends and that makes this the best of times.