Am I devastated?
Am I bereft?
Am I furious?
Am I angry?
You bet.
Have I curled up into a ball and rocked and wept, pulling the blanket over my head?
Hell, no!
Why?
What difference would it make?
In the scheme of things that is the new path for my life, what difference would that make to how it all ends.
I have incurable cancer. It is however treatable, and I have more than one option open to me. I have time left, I just don't know how much.
This makes me better off than many others.
Over the last three days, I have received so much wonderful support from so many people.
The hospital staff eased my symptoms (eventually) and I was treated with the utmost kindness and dignity.
Friends, in real life and virtually have swept me up and cradled me with love and affection.
Just promise me this, when it really gets ugly, whenever that may be, continue to hold me and Mr G in the same way.
Read The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.
If you can do this, then the world will be a richer place, even when I am gone.
Friday 22 March 2013
Tuesday 19 March 2013
Beyond angry...
What am I beyond angry about?
CANCER
Having journeyed with ovarian cancer for most of 2011, I face another possibly more gruelling journey with my sinister companion again.
What were 'this feels odd' symptoms have manifested themselves as 'OMG' symptoms.
These are similar to, but much worse, symptoms to those I had just over two years ago.
My abdomen resembles a 37 week pregnancy. It is so swollen that it is pressing up into my diaphragm restricting my breathing and eating. It is pressing down on my bladder and bowel causing a huge haemorrhoid. I hurt, I cannot breathe, I cannot eat.
These symptoms have developed in about ten days.
Tomorrow I go to the hospital. I shall have blood tests, an ultrasound scan and the many litres of fluid will be slowly drained from my abdomen. This will help get me fit so I can travel to Barcelona for my special little holiday.
Yes, I shall still go to Barcelona, it is very important to do these things, especially when you have to live with cancer.
I shall blog my new journey.
Mr G, T, J, R, M, R, E, E and the one to come, you are the reason I choose the journey to try to save my life. I love you all forever.
CANCER
Having journeyed with ovarian cancer for most of 2011, I face another possibly more gruelling journey with my sinister companion again.
What were 'this feels odd' symptoms have manifested themselves as 'OMG' symptoms.
These are similar to, but much worse, symptoms to those I had just over two years ago.
My abdomen resembles a 37 week pregnancy. It is so swollen that it is pressing up into my diaphragm restricting my breathing and eating. It is pressing down on my bladder and bowel causing a huge haemorrhoid. I hurt, I cannot breathe, I cannot eat.
These symptoms have developed in about ten days.
Tomorrow I go to the hospital. I shall have blood tests, an ultrasound scan and the many litres of fluid will be slowly drained from my abdomen. This will help get me fit so I can travel to Barcelona for my special little holiday.
Yes, I shall still go to Barcelona, it is very important to do these things, especially when you have to live with cancer.
I shall blog my new journey.
Mr G, T, J, R, M, R, E, E and the one to come, you are the reason I choose the journey to try to save my life. I love you all forever.
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