Sunday, 1 May 2011

Life in high def...

Since I was diagnosed with cancer I have had the sensation of seeing the world very clearly. This is especially so with regard to the natural world. We live in a small town in the midst of rolling hills. The brilliant greens revealed as spring has sprung have seemed extra colourful. Now, as the white blossom of hawthorn and cow parsley bedeck the hedgerows, looking for all the world like the finest lace fit for a princess, I shiver with pleasure at the sight. I suspect that my sensitivity to the beauty all around me is related to my increased sensitivity to emotions and relationships. There is nothing like a brush with a life threatening illness to sharpen your focus. I have been blessed in that I am emotionally well supported, and that family relationships are strong and good. I am, probably justifiably, very emotionally sensitive at this time. Reading fiction and watching TV are a roller coaster from tears to laughter. Laughter is very close to tears, and the reverse. I am a person who does laugh, and enjoys laughing. I deal with my life by finding ways to laugh at it, and I find ways to laugh about my cancer. I am a long way still from banishing cancer from my life. I need to finish my chemo then carry on the journey to continued remission. I realise that may not happen and that I might actually be fighting to my death, albeit a good long fight. If cancer is going to be part of my life, it had better look sharp, because it is going to be the butt of my humour as long as it hangs around.