Tuesday, 2 April 2013


I really have not had long to wait for my treatment.
Two weeks, is all.

The terrifying part is the speed with which my cancer is fastening its hold on me.

In just two weeks, I've had 10l of fluid drained from my abdomen. The cancer has already thickened my peritoneum to the extent that the latest draining was excruciating.
They had to restrain me to get the drain in.
I needed morphine to tolerate the drain.
I had so much gas and air for the removal of the drain, that I was as high as a kite, and yet I still screamed.

It is safe to say that I will not be allowing any invasive procedures on my body, other than chemo, for a good long while.  That being the case, I declined my doctor's request to have an endoscopy to find the cause of the blood I am regurgitating. I have doubled another drug which will deal with the symptoms.
My GP stated that he would be sensitive about hospital admissions. What a lovely man.

So, I sit here, looking 8 months pregnant, with an abdomen as tight as a drum. I'm taking strong painkillers and drugs to suppress cold sweats which drench me regardless of the temperature. I can eat tiny amounts at one time as there is no room in my stomach for more than a teacupful at a time. The fluid that is filling my abdomen is coming from the protein bit of my blood that builds my body so I am getting a little weaker. I seem to crave salty and savoury foods so I am indulging in them.
Looks like my Easter eggs are safe for a while yet.

Chemo starts on Thursday. Then I can start teaching those cancer cells what for.

I'm not writing this to get sympathy. I've had and got plenty...
I'm not writing to shock or revolt. This is how it is...
I'm writing this as part of my life...
This is my story.
One day, a long time from now, I truly hope - it will be my history.