Friday, 5 April 2013

What next..

As I write, the chemotherapy drug is hopefully zapping the active cancer cells on my peritoneum.
What I feel is the battleground of side effects and the myriad of drugs I need to deal with them.

I had a fabulous memory making weekend with my family. My littlest granddaughter overcame her shyness to throw herself into my arms and hold my hand. She allowed Grandad to help her on the soft play equipment right to the top!  She and my grandson had a baby chat at my knee, neither using words but clearly exchanging meaning. 
I bought eggs for an Easter Egg Hunt complete with special bags to put eggs in. My own children enjoyed that too.
I made cookies with my oldest granddaughter, we used pre-prepared mix so it was easy (for both of us). They were delicious.
We went to the zoo, it was freezing cold, but such fun. Seeing my granddaughters face to face with marmosets was priceless. I swear the marmosets were looking at my girls as hard as they were looking at them.

So, everyone went home. Mr G and I tidied up the escaped finger puppets and I surveyed the rest of my life.

How might it be? What will actually kill me?
Truth is no-one can say. So there is no point in speculating, frightening me and those I love, when no-one can say.

When I went for chemo yesterday, I had to be very brave. It was very difficult allowing the nurse to insert the cannula into my hand. This time the chemo drug is not labelled life saving but life extending.

Today, I went for a walk. I got out my Teeny Tiny Textile Art materials. I noticed the toilet needs cleaning!
In short, my life is going on. It is my efforts alone that will dictate if it is a life worth living.
I'll make it a life worth living. I am worth it!