Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Next Steps...

I went for my pre-chemo assessment, at Kettering, this afternoon. Having felt quite blase about it all for the last couple of weeks, reality hit hard today. Brave left the building and a full blown scared and crying episode moved in. The chemo nurse said she would have been more worried if I had not cried. I heard little I had not heard before, but said in small chunks, with plenty of time for questions etc. The room in which I will receive my treatment is bright and sunny, not too hospitally. No tv, but radio is playing. We are encouraged to take entertainment with us, so ipod, books etc will be packed, as I shall be there for a minimum of 5 hours each visit. We were given all the emergency phone numbers we hope we will NOT need to ring, but out of hours care is provided in Northampton so we will need to keep the cars fuelled up. If I should need in-patient treatment I will have to go to Northampton. I feel quite fragile again now - I have had to face the fact I have cancer full on again, it has been easy to pretend otherwise during my convalescence from surgery. It seems such a bitch that I'm just feeling better and I'm now going to be, as my chemo nurse said, ' being filled with poison', and am very likely to feel like absolute rubbish. Still we discussed the hair loss, and strategies to deal with the practical bits of going bald over 3 days, and managed to have a laugh! I am very glad I am not a vain person, because the treats in store would really challenge a person who enjoyed external gorgeousness. My bald, spotty, puffy, sore and grumpy exterior will hide my totally gorgeous inside, so you will all have to use your imaginations...